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Because current is overratedNews from Another WorldVolume 1: April 2004 To friends abroad (that is, outside of Texas): Just a few thoughts I've been gathering and wanted to get off my chest. First off...life's good, David's fine, the yard is beautiful, our house is charming, Beaumont doesn't recycle, and there is no AAA office or Green Party until you get to Houston. We've got a "spring picnic" this Sunday evening for David's work. They've given everyone attending a navy blue, BFA shirt and cap. Word is we're expected to wear them to the event. I'll let you know how that turns out. Our low temperature was 72 last night. The impatiens grow before your eyes. If you don't mow the lawn once a week, you can't see out the window. Here in Texas gas prices have reached a record high average price for this time of year:: $1.66/gal. Shocking! People on the radio fuss abut having to carry bills larger than a 10 to pay for their tank of gas. Shocking. Loads of grackles, doves, and one adorable little male cardinal frequent our birdbath and limbs (tree variety) out back this month. Birding can be a bit of an obsession, I now realize. Bird books show habitats and lots only visit US via South Texas or Florida. So I imagined going on a vacation just to find birds you can't see elsewhere. People do this, I know, but I'd think it would be a little tense, always on the lookout. On a recent drive to New Orleans I noticed an inordinately large spread of license plate variety. David started getting annoyed at my surprise but honestly, when have you seen license plates from Delaware, New Hampshire, Montana, New Mexico, Alaska, North Dakota, and Rhode Island all within a few hours of each other? TV has taken on much too great a part in my recent life, what with no job and all, but I have very much enjoyed Frontline lately and I think that's okay. Reports on Rwanda, diet programs, and myriad aspects of terrorism/war have been very interesting. Just a recommendaton for TV watchers out there. I was rather fixated on The Apprentice. There, I've confessed. That's all the amusement I have amassed today. I hope this finds you all well and happy yourselves. Though squished together in the To: line, you're each uniquely in my thoughts. Please write with your own amusements.
Dear family and friends, Philosophy and Religion1. Free will. I know what makes me feel good, I know many good things I can do for myself and the world around me, I know any number of habits I’d appreciate developing. Yet I find myself watching TV, lollygagging in the kitchen, surfing the internet, wasting time. 2. Present moment, wonderful moment. Who I am right now is no better or worse than who I am at any other moment. Because now is all there is of me and that is okay. Why beat myself up for being someone I’m not and can’t ever, in this moment, be? Maybe I’ll be different tomorrow, someone more disciplined, healthy, honest…I don’t know. I ought not beat myself up then, either. 3. Positive thinking is its own reward. When I am optimistic, I feel good. When I am pessimistic, I feel bad. I think these outlooks can be consciously adjusted. Ah but the important part is conscious. Get to know yourself, honestly assess who you are. 4. Violence is harmful. It damages the body and the soul. I believe that there is never a time when violence is acceptable. 5. People often respond to these ideas negatively. Why? 6. I am no better than anyone else. I have big plans, big dreams, yes. But I do not pretend to think that I have done or will do more or better than any other person. I shall do my best to take care of myself in a way that hurts as little else or few others as possible. In so doing, I hope I am making life a little easier for you, as you no longer have the pressure or worry of how I’m doing. I cannot make you do the same, and I will not judge you for it (that’s not to say I might not like it). You live with yourself and only you can take care of yourself. I hope you will. Good luck. 7. I had in my head the New Testament quote about faith, hope, and love to put here (the greatest of these being love, we are told by Paul in 1 Corinthians 13). Something made me check the source and I came upon this wonderful website on the subject of that chapter’s translation and meaning, written by a retired Classics professor at Middlebury College. Anyway, suffice it to say that I agree with Paul (not that anyone asked) that faith, hope, and “love” are put you in high esteem. And I agree that the greatest of these (see the website) is goodwill. 8. As a student of history and politics I am aware of the fact that there has never been a truly Golden Age for all. At any given time only a small segment of the population is empowered, enriched, appreciated. The balance is a series of long demographic lines, of haves and have-nots. I don’t even know where to go from there. It overwhelms me. I want so badly for people to be happier, more content with themselves and their lives, but never so content to think that things can’t get better for someone else, too. I don’t want the balance of the world to focus on right and wrong actions or good and bad people but on the multitude of talents, opportunities, and experiences we represent as a people. Nurture and acknowledge what is true and good about ourselves. If you believe in God then chances are you believe the almighty will oversee a final judgment. Let God decide who is good and bad. Let’s focus on living our lives. 9. Since I’ve brought Christian Bible quotes into the mix, it’s only fair that I mention that I am both a fan of religious study and an atheist. Raised in an agnostic Christian culture, I was always free to explore philosophies and religions outside that realm. I love tradition and the reverence and joy that can come with honoring it. On the other hand, I am not a big fan of blind faith, evangelism, or empty ritual. 10. The book Don’t Know Much About The Bible: Everything You Need to Know About the Good Book but Never Learned is very interesting. Concise (not short) and amusing, as all Kenneth C. Davis books are. It’s amazing how few people actually read religious/historical texts, especially the people who profess to be adherents to its words. And how people can blindly adhere to words that have been poorly translated many times over is also beyond me. 11. I’m a structuralist living in a postmodernist world. It’s been a while since I consciously explored modernist and postmodernist thought. Now that it’s back in my brain I’ve become a little obsessed. Listening to the radio, “Very modernist, that song,” and heading home, “Driving is chaos.” I’ve read lots about chaos theory, quantum mechanics, and organizational behavior in the last year and now with this return visit of philosophy to my life I’m all in a tizzy. Making the bed has become all-important to starting my day off right. I must read each night before I go to sleep. My binder is obscenely tidy. My trip through the grocery store is guided by a list but ultimately each step I take puts me ina nw position and with new options that tempt me and which I often act upon. Then I come home with unmatched meal items and feel the need to recalculate my menu plans. I demand order! Hmm, not working, world is still fundamentally unpredictable and human behavior particularly so. So as I said, I’m a structuralist in a postmodern world. Politics, Economics, Government…Society at Large1. The two percent solution. Have you heard of it? If we divert two per cent of the budget to helpful activities and programs then we could save (think long term here) billions, even trillions and improve society (using commonly accepted standards of “improvement”). That’s a massively vague way of describing it. (Check out Matt Miller‘s website for more info.) I remember a similar idea being promoted by Ben and Jerry’s years ago, though that targeted defense and education budgets specifically. Book is in hardback and I have not read it. Jacket claims it’s the solution that both sides of the aisle could agree on if they opened their mind to possibility. It’s on my list of things to read. 2. How does education lead some people to “liberalism” and others to “conservatism”? And why do some demographic groups tend to be Democrats and others mark Republican? How can one person believe without a shadow of a doubt that a fetus is alive and worthy of protection and the person next to them can believe as certainly that the fetus is not viable until it is capable of extra-uterine functioning and thus expendable? And how can we hold ideas that are both individualistic and conformist or moralistic at the same time? I think we’re all hypocrites in the larger scheme of things. That is, I think each of us holds contradictory ideas to be true and right. Maybe it’s obvious to you, but the notion fascinates me. 3. I find Bill O’Reilly to be occasionally interesting and generally irritating, ill-informed, and/or ignorant. Andy Rooney said, “I’m not middle of the road. I’m all over the road.” While you might not agree that Rooney is honestly assessing his viewpoint, I think his statement is perfect for our times. Who needs sides of the aisle? There is no standard bearer for liberalism and conservatism. It’s all relative, dependent upon your perspective. In a balanced world there are as many rugged individualists as there are willing conformists. If the norm grows too large and bunches in the middle, we find ourselves clutching onto each other for fear of slipping over an unseeable edge. We’ve lost sight of the boundaries and how much room we have to grow. Too far apart and we fight each other for control over the middle. I’m not making sense here. Have you seen the animation short “Balance”? Made in 1989 by Lauenstein brothers of West Germany, it played in many animation festivals in the 90’s. Anyway, you should find it, rent it and watch it to see what I mean. More on balance elsewhere. 4. Status quo is a natural force nearly as strong as gravity. I think self indulgence comes in a close third (that’s gravity in first place, you see). 5. There’s no recycling in Beaumont. It’s not cost effective. I must be a pinko California nut job, but recycling only makes sense to me, even if it doesn’t immediately make cents. I realize it costs money and resources to prepare used materials for reuse, but it costs money and lots more resources in the long term to keep producing from raw materials. sniff Anyway, I deeply miss the convenience of curbside recycling. June 2004 Update: I can drop off aluminum, newspaper and its inserts, and office paper Monday through Saturday at a paying business across town. I sold my soda cans and got $1.24 for my efforts. 6. The world and its inhabitants are inherently good and yet we are flawed, too. There can be no perfection. Haven’t we been taught all our lives that nothing is perfect? And yet why do we criticize ourselves for our imperfections and judge others for theirs? I’m not asking this to point the finger at anyone; I really wonder why it is that we so unfairly and irrationally expect perfection? We must really think it’s possible. So maybe we’re not that cynical deep down. Maybe, like so much else in our lives, our cynicism is superficial. 7. If we’re all so good, how and why are there serial killers and rapists and con artists? Aren’t those people bad? They have certainly done bad things, but when they were born they had as much potential for happiness as you or I, in theory. I don’t condone hurtful behaviors. But I do believe that they are natural by products of an out of balance society. Our society is presently way out of balance. 8. Okay, the US’s founding fathers were culturally or philosophically religious guys. God was a big player in government at the time but being abused by overly self-indulgent monarchs. Founding fathers write God in to the documents because that’s simply what’s done; but to prevent Kingly abuse of God’s loving power, it’s made clear that our religious actions and our civic actions must be separated if we are to have a lasting government. Does that mean that God is inherently part of our government? Only insofar as greediness of religious power goes. Does it mean that God watches over the USA especially? No, just that the founding fathers hoped God would look upon the USA at all, thus acknowledging and legitimizing its existence in an unstable time. Does God have anything to do with government? Insofar as humans influence and are influenced by the government, yes, because many humans have a deep (if not practiced) faith in God. Do I have to ask God to bless us in order to be a good American? Do I have to use the phrase “under God” in a pledge to my country’s symbolic flag in order to be a dedicated and loyal American? If my faith in this country is dependent upon my faith in God, then the founding fathers’ reasoning behind separation of church and state have been entirely lost. 9. Why are people so afraid of hope? Why ridicule innocence or enthusiasm? What are we so unhappy about that we don’t want others to be happy? I say “we” because I believe we are all connected. That balance thing again. 10. Do you remember when 60 Minutes had clout? Did you see The Insider? Michael Moore is the new 60 Minutes in this regard. 11. Turns out I am actually rather conservative in terms of educational philosophy. But I agree with ED Hirsch who says that anyone truly politically liberal (lowercase) would be labeled conservative with regards to education. Strange world that these labels get so confused and misused. 12. Hmm. Does a Google search require more or fewer thinking skills to get something useful out of it than a card catalog? To get any results, far fewer, I’d think. To get good results, the same. I believe people have been lulled into thinking the “any results” outcome is sufficient. It’s not. We’re acting dumb. 13. I don’t particularly care who John Kerry chooses as his running mate. In Santa Cruz, David and I found (and bought) this bumper sticker that says “Cthulhu for President: Why vote for the lesser of two evils?” This might make more sense (and humor) if you knew who Cthulhu was. Anyway, I’m sick of voting for the lesser of two evils. I’m looking to elect a thoughtful, articulate politician with integrity and vision (or an articulate politician who surrounds self with people of integrity and vision). I might be waiting a while. 14. I'd argue the Democratic Party is not a true left or liberal organization. But I believe the Republican Party is fairly typical right and conservative. 15. Aug 04: The positive feel of the Democratic National Convention made me very, very happy. Not so much about life but about watching the convention itself. I became a C-SPAN junky for a few days; it’s good to do that every once in a while. I wonder what the Republican convention will do for me. 16. Aug 04: I am fascinated by party loyalists. I have been a registered Democrat for most of my adult life, even though I have been known on many occasions to vote for non-Democrats. Right now I’m nothing, since I want to register Green here and they hold no primary so I couldn’t vote and thus couldn’t register with a party (the card must be signed or stamped, you see, to be a member of a party). Anyway, I am quite certain that if a Republican seemed the best candidate for a position, I’d vote for them. Of course, that hasn’t been my experience as I generally can’t abide the positions of Republican candidates on several or many issues put forth as important to them. Which isn’t to say that the Democrats I generally preferred were much better. I am desperate for a major political party with a clear foundational platform, not one that treads in wishy-washy, partisan-minded, political pandering tides. 17. Have I mentioned that I loved Rev. Al Sharpton’s speech at the Democratic National Convention? The tone of it made me smile. I’m not often a fan of his, though he has delivered some great quotes over the years. I’ve got one on my fridge from early in the year: “Though I’ve had big endorsements, I don’t use them.... The only time you need a co-signer is when you have bad credit yourself.” I like that idea. Be your own strongest supporter. 18. Sep 04: Uh oh, the Republican convention is looking very dark. Why is this tactic appropriate to promoting election of the leader of the most powerful nation in the world? Why do good people get sucked in by the appeal of fear mongering and bad boys? 19. Oct 04: In an ideal world, content would overshadow tone and presidential candidates would all have superior staff preparing the content of their debate material. GW’s sarcastic replies in the second presidential debate saddened me. A particularly vexing example is when he said “I own a timber company? That's news to me. Need some wood?” implying that he did not have the status of a small business when in fact he did under his own tax code definitions. Does that give him the right to mock a person who has been civil towards him all evening? I did feel Kerry employed a very respectful demeanor throughout. Not that that should obfuscate the content of the debate, but, well, I’d rather have an informed, formal, respectful president than an aggressive, beguiling, sarcastic one. For the record, I think the tone and content are skillfully created and reinforced by campaign staff. In the end, whose staff did you trust more? 20. I absolutely LOVED Jon Stewart’s apeparance a week ago on Crossfire in which he took over, criticized the media’s theatrical complicity with machine politics, and annoyed both of the hosts (Tucker is particularly worked up). Stewart was pointed in his comments and many people probably hate him now (because they disagree), but I thought his charges are totally fair. And what on earth was Crossfire thinking when they brought him on? They thought it was so he could promote his book. The show got better than normal ratings and great press, but if anyone was swayed by Stewart’s opinions then they won’t watch Crossfire ever again, especially considering Crossfire’s understandable lack of interest in potentially critical guests. Maybe Jon Stewart opened a door for honesty on talk shows; and maybe he just unwittingly caused a big door to shut. 21. (From an email to Brian, Oct 04) Voting Tuesday. The Texas ballot, or at least the Jefferson County one, allows you to vote a straight party ticket for Republican, Democratic, or Libertarian party candidates. The option is first thing you see on the ballot. With a bunch of uncontested Republicans running in smaller races (or contested only by a Libertarian) and a few uncontested Democrats, I imagine this straight ticket voting will be quite popular. Ugh. As I don't know who almost any of these people are (the railroad commissioner candidates don't do much publicizing), and can't see myself voting blindly, I imagine a lot of empty spots on my ballot. Ugh again. Entertainment1. Not that you care, but I do recommend a few of the things I’ve been reading lately. For fiction, check out the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith. It’s not so much mystery as life in Botswana that captivates both the heroine and the author. There are four books in the series so far, all pleasantly engaging. I recently finished Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer. This nonfiction book explores the history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and especially its fundamentalist/ extremist offshoots. The real focus is a 1984 murder. Notoriously-private LDS church has apparently blasted the book, but I found it respectful, well researched, and thought provoking. And if you have not read Fast Food Nation, go get it. It’s undoubtedly in every library in the nation and it’s in paperback at the bookstore. But I warn you, you’ll never look at that Whopper or the golden arches the same way again. 2. Speaking of the force of gravity and its role in the universe, have you read or seen The Elegant Universe? Brian Greene’s book was made into a 3-part Nova on PBS last year. It’s about string theory, gravity, parallel universes and all kinds of cool stuff. I love PBS. Though Masterpiece Theater and Mystery have not tantalized me lately, I love their overall body of work. The 1900 House idea has spawned several other wonderful mini-series, including Manor house and (my favorite) Frontier House. Coming soon is Colonial House. And shows like Scientific American Frontiers, Frontline, NOW, and Nova are consistently entertaining and educational. Too few people watch these shows in favor of utter trash on network television. 3. The Michael Crichton books Jurassic Park and Timeline follow the exact same formula. 4. If you have not watched CBS Sunday Morning you don’t know what you’re missing. News, arts, commentary, regular life stuff. If nothing else, tune in for the last 20 minutes to catch Bill Geist and the closing sights and sounds. Unbelievably uplifting. 5. Getting artsy: Beaumont now has a tapas (and martini) restaurant. AND Fahrenheit 9/11 opened here on June 25th, the same exact day it opened in San Francisco. 6. Have you seen the movie Trekkies? If you know anything about Star Trek fans, you’ve got to see this film. It’s from 5 years ago or so. I dunno. All I know is that it was painfully, sadly funny in a laughing at them more than laughing with them sort of way. That makes it all sound pathetic, but really it’s quite well done and the fans’ passion is genuine and sweet. 7. I just don't get it. Why is there no tea in a long island iced tea? 8. FOOD! We cooked several delicious things last week. One was our favorite groundnut stew, made with cabbage, sweet potato, tomatoes plus juice, onion, peanuts and peanut butter, and ginger. A very strange combination but the blended stew is wonderful, a sweet peanuty flavor. (It’s from the Moosewood Sunday dinners cookbook.) We served that with green beans (steamed with crispy bacon), rice, and chicken satay. (We had guests.) The satay was a new recipe to us and it, too, was amazing. Another slightly sweet dish, so we served these plain, straight off the skewer. Preparation is straightforward: make marinate, marinate, skewer, broil. Mix 1 T brown sugar, 1 T curry powder (we used a spicy one), 2 T peanut butter (crunchy or smooth), 1/2 c soy sauce (low sodium), 1/2 c fresh lime juice, 2 cloves garlic, minced, and some crushed dried chili pepper, to taste. Marinate boneless skinless chicken breast in this liquid for at least 8 hours (we soaked ours for 36 hours). Preheat broiler. Skewer, lay skewers on broiler pan. Broil 8-10 minutes, turning skewers several times. Earlier in the week we made a wonderful peach “cobbler” with some of the plentiful fresh peaches in stores now. Our guest asked for the recipe so I thought others might enjoy it too. This has the crust on bottom and pairs bits of firm topping with a refreshingly sweet taste inside. Turn oven on to 350 degrees. Place a stick of butter in a glass rectangular baking dish (as large as 9x13) and put it in the preheating oven. Prepare about 2.5 pounds of firm, fresh peaches: peel, cut into wedges (I use apple corer/slicer and trim off the bitter red bits by hand), sprinkle with 1 T. sugar (if desired). Keep as much of the peach juice as possible. Batter: combine 1 c. flour, 1 1/2 t baking powder, 1/2 t. salt, 1 c. sugar, and 1 c. milk. Pour batter into pan (over melted butter) then spoon the peaches and juice over batter. Batter will probably start puffing right away, as pan is already heated. Bale 30 minutes or until peaches bubble and any exposed crust begins to show golden edges. 9. I just watched the last episode of My So-Called Life entitled “In Dreams Begin Responsibilities” or something like that. The teen-aimed series is from mid-90’s, stars Claire Danes (with eye candy supporting part for Jared Leto). Show is so very sweet and romantic and sighfully nice even though events are not always so nice. Parents and kids have their issues...jealousy, self absorption, fading friendships, betrayals, crushes, uncertainty, dreams. Feel free to check it out on The-N. Local Life1. I see lots of armadillo(e?)s here in Sotheast Texas; unfortunately they are all on the side of the road, dead. 2. Aug 04: We saw The Village over the weekend. That was the day we were supposed to spend getting ready for the move to Houston. Instead we played and napped. Of course, much of the gathering and list making and other planning was already complete since I went into a little packing frenzy last weekend. But poor David spent Sunday morning hastily taking apart the futon, and deciding how to fit the futon frame and cushion, a stuffed chair, ottoman, piano (partly dismantleable), and IKEA wardrobe safely into the back of our Subaru and a borrowed minivan. The wardrobe did not make the cut. Well, the rolltop desk didn’t either, but we knew that before Sunday came around. So the wardrobe and desk will arrive later, which is really not a problem. The apartment is adorable. Two weeks to work, three weeks until school. The countdown has begun. 3. We spent the weekend in Houston, went to Ikea (grand re-opening weekend, very wise, but we went just before closing), got some stuff, including a fun duvet and matching shower curtain and towels for the adjoining bathroom. Blues, turquoise, lime green. Cooked first meal in the apartment and set off the fire alarm from heat of oven/broiler. Neighbors began their evening at 10:30 while I attempted sleep in this strange new place. I now understand why people have country homes. Not necessarily affordable, indeed, but the feeling of escape from real life is total. Personal1. Name me a chronic personal problem that is not somehow related to ego and pride. 2. I often get frustrated by things I see that are unhappy in the world, all the disrespect, greed, apathy around me. I have ideas for what I can do, some small part. I make plans for improving my own situation, to put my life into a balance of self and other, indulgence and sacrifice. My health habits--exercise, weight, and eating--are often targets of self loathing. I think to myself, how can I be any happier a part of society than the greedy, apathetic, disrespectful person over there if I don’t (because it’s not about can or can’t) even do the things I feel are important? My priorities are clearly out of whack. But I realized the other day that the balance I seek is inherently on a much larger scale. Balance cannot truly be achieved within the self. Balance is a multiples thing. My organs might be in balance, but they are them not me. Me as an individual can’t balance; I require others to create balance. I believe happiness is about balance. Society, whether at the family, community, or regional level, is where balance needs to be achieved in order to allow happiness for the greatest number possible. 3. Did that make any sense? 4. I’m applying to a doctoral program for the fall. Education. I love it. I feel unnaturally strongly about its importance, and I see so much potential. And yet I let a lethargy come over me when contemplating another stint in professional schooling. Superficiality, egotism, sellouts, naiveté, entrenchment. I think of myself as dedicated to learning. Do others care as much? Do they want to make the world a better place for others? Have they prepared themselves? Is the “doctor” title ultimately about a pay raise? Hmm. In my imagined balanced world, do some professionals need to behave selfishly or promote bureaucracy? How far out do the boundaries of our plane extend? 5. Why write all this? I have an ego too, see. I want to make the world a better place and I am arrogant enough to think I can. 6. I love thinking. It amazes me that others don’t. Sometimes I pat myself on the back for some deep thought I have then I remember how irritated I get around people who think they’re terribly smart and superior because they’re such deep thinkers. Ah, self loathing. 7. Is it pathetic to think more often and more highly of other people than they do of you? 8. Aug 04: After getting into a fitness routine, adding proteins to my diet, reading Fast Food Nation, and pondering my own nutritional and life needs, then moving to Texas where all of these things can be part of a whole new regimen, well, I decided to opt out of fast food, regular soda, and juice. We’re cutting back on what and how much we eat. I so love potatoes and pasta but they suck me in in an addictive way...must avoid. We are working out a workout schedule. And now with school on the horizon we’re adjusting our budget and allowing ourselves one dine-out experience a week. I haven’t had a Coke in ages. I’m allergic to aspartame and loathe that caffeine wiithdrawal headache, so I pretty much drink a lot of water and Splenda-sweetened soda (crossing my fingers that sucralose does not come to be known as dangerous). Anyway, yesterday I bought a twist-top Coke bottle and am looking forward to shot glass quantities at lunch this week. Happy, smiling. 9. I wish more people took their work and life seriously. Not so serious that they can’t laugh at themselves or see the bright spots in each day. Balance, yet again. 10. I tend to argue with people and become angry during negotiations. Often these arguments erupt out of frustration and disdain. I can be utterly patient with a student or coworkers, but get me on the phone with customer service and I lose it. Then again, I have the most pleasant, well-mannered chitchat with our pest control service and at the grocery store. I think it’s because I’ve invested time into the relationship with those I work and interact with regularly, whereas the relationship with CenterPoint Energy’s phone staff doesn’t hold much significance for me. They also tend to be unyielding and i only call with a yield request. I know I get upset when I feel a lack of control and I’m not getting what I want. I’ve gotten much better at letting go, and I know the workers are not in any way against me. If I want a more pleasant, hopeful conversation then I should take the lead. What I need to learn is how to enter and maintain each new interaction with relationship building in mind. Things start from a better place when you keep a positive attitude. 11. I fear death, especially of loved ones. We attended a memorial service yesterday for someone I didn’t know but whose son I know. Still made me shiver. Funeral homes give me the creeps--they’re so drab, sterile, deathly still and quiet. When I die I want The Emperor Waltz (version played in movie The Last Emperor) to be played at any memorial service they might have; no somber organ music for me. Play some favorite music...The Cure, Cat Stevens, PPM, Mozart. I’d like to be cremated and placed in a beautiful natural spot, with a place to sit nearby so that people can visit or just stop and enjoy a nice view. I’m not so into scattering ashes to the wind. Mix me in with some potting soil and allow me to be rooted to the ground, nourishing the earth. 12. Oct 04: (From an email to Mike) I just got news yesterday of the sudden death of a former student, the 19-year old son of my good friend Claire. It reminds me that things can be much worse. I have a tendency to dwell on fearful things, get anxious. I slept very poorly last night. This morning as I walked to work, the quiet beauty of leaves fluttering in a breeze woke me from a dazed, depressed state. Students bustled about, unaware of and uninterested in my melancholy. 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